If You Don’t Teach Discernment, you be teaching Resentment

There are so many opinions on how to raise a teenager. Some parents think you should rule them with an iron fist and keep them close, be in their business at all times. Others take a more vague approach and as soon as the child drives and gets a job, they disappear and the parent figures that’s fine at least they are out of my hair. And then the rest of us are somewhere in between those two extremes.

As a child grows it is important to teach them about discernment so that they can make the best choice for themselves. If we decide to be their awareness and guard them when they are teenagers we may be teaching them to resent those who are helping them because we aren’t letting them learn the ability to make the right choices. Then when they are out of the house and on their own, they may choose to make poor choices and then blame others for their mistakes. This can lead to a lifetime of resentment.

It may take years for an adult to realize that they need to change and quit blaming others for their misfortunes. If a parent doesn’t allow a teenager to make choices then how will they ever know what the best choice is for them.

So how does one teach discernment? Well first it is important to establish boundaries. If you don’t have boundaries yourself then it is pretty tough to teach your kid boundaries. So first if you don’t know what boundaries are there are many books that discuss them. I invite you to read them. One in particular that may help is the book called Boundaries. There is also a book called, Boundaries with Kids. That book will teach you how to establish boundaries with your child and also teach you how to give your child options to learn discernment.

I once had to deal with my oldest child not wanting to ride the bus. She was refusing to go to school. So I said, “Ok, I know you don’t want to ride the bus and that ‘s fine. If you choose not to ride the bus you have to stay in bed all day today and you will not get to go to your friend’s party on Friday. If you do choose to ride the bus then you can go to the party. I will give you 5 minutes to decide what you want to do.” Then I left her room. About 3 minutes later she came out of her room and said, “Mom, I’ve decided to ride the bus.” And that was that.

It felt empowering to not have to fight with her. Before I learned boundaries this would have been a yelling match. I would have said, “Get dressed. You are riding the bus.” and then I would have grabbed her uniform and threw it on her bed. She would have retorted, “No I’m not! I’m not riding the bus!!!” And would have been crying and throwing a fit. She would have also been so stubborn that she most likely would have got her way because she would not have had time to get to the bus with all the fighting and refusing. I would have had to drive her to school and that would have put me behind for the day.

Allowing her to make the decision helped both of us. It empowered her to feel responsible for her choices and allowed me a more peaceful morning.

So I ask you, “Which scenario would you rather be in?” I got to tell you that kid is now an adult. A self sufficient adult who practices awareness and does a pretty good job with discernment. She does have her poor judgments from time to time but she is only 20 so that is understandable. However, it is profound what she shares she learns from her mistakes.

Those self guided life lessons are like gold to this proud mama!

Good luck to you! I hope both you and your child make beautiful life lessons while practicing discernment!

Blissings to you,

Jessica