Co-Creator- The Battle Inside My Head

I am the co-creator of my life. Say that three times! I have to keep saying that so I don’t attract anything I don’t want. As soon as unpleasant things occur, such as what I saw on the news like a shooting or maybe I am telling myself I am not good enough, I have to say, “No! Get outta here!” I don’t want to create something I don’t want! Then I have to watch something else or put on uplifting music. Anything to get those thoughts out of my head.

I have co-created before. Typically it comes at a point of major distress like at a time of being sick of being stuck. Then I imagine a better life of what I want and it changes, sometimes within a month, sometimes it may take longer. Since I don’t always believe something better will happen I tend to psych myself out of attracting something better. So I go on this mindful quest. Asking, “Why does this happen?”

“Because I don’t think I deserve extreme good. Why is that? I know I am a divine being, a soul having a human experience, so why am I not allowing good to happen? What’s my fear? Being alone? Having others resent me? Do I think that I am going to change and no one will like me? Or is it more just condition?” We are taught in school to be followers and follow the rules …if you don’t there are consequences. If you do follow you will be liked and get a gold star if you don’t no one will like you and you won’t succeed in this world.

I can see my 6 year old self contemplating and deciding she wants the gold star. She wants to abide by the rules of this world. Goodbye guides, goodbye angels. Hello sacrifice to get a head. Sad thing is I was not aware of my guides and angels at that time. I only thought they protected me from harm and never revealed themselves. Never thought they could help with non-life threatening things. Now I see they can and want to help..you just have to ask.

You have to ask! But why is that so hard? I do ask and a lot of times I feel like it is not going to happen and then …it doesn’t. I have to believe it into being or it won’t appear. I have to be able to see what I want and then attract it with my desire. That is how I co-create.

Simple enough…easier said then done though. If it were as easy as saying something over and over again we all would be abundant beings but there are layers of conditioning to work on and awareness is how we work through them. Being aware of what you love and what you don’t like, being aware of what you believe you are worthy of and what you don’t will help you along this journey. Besides that is not what you will believe forever, it’s just what you believe right now and if something you believe strikes great grievance then that is something in you you desire to change. Keep that in mind and write down that belief, it is something you can work on internally.

Here is a personal example: I had a job I loved. I drove to places, worked when I wanted to, and was able to have time to explore sites that I drove by. Over time, I decided to work full-time in that same job and decided instead of working with that company, I would work for them. It would be nice to not have to pay for my own benefits anymore. So I gave up my freedom for security. As a couple years went on I realized this job was not the same as it used to be. I now had to ask for time off, had a budget I had to meet every month (where before I would just have deadline dates to complete), and felt depleted after a day of working rather than invigorated like I used to. I now had to drive by sites that I wanted to explore because I did not have time to visit them or I would not meet my budget for the week. Before my job was supporting my life, now my job became my life. Every year the goal was to beat last years goal. So every year I stayed (I stayed a little over 9 years) the job was more demanding than the year before. I wanted to leave the job in year 3 but I did not think I could find anything better. It wasn’t until year 8 that I was telling myself my health cannot take this much longer. I was working 50 hours plus commute time per week. I looked haggard. I did not want to hang out with anyone, nothing in my life gave me joy any longer. I felt completely stuck but I knew that I could not stay in this job any longer or some serious disease would manifest. I talked to people I met about how tired and unhappy I was. One person suggested I get a job on the side doing what I wanted to do. I did not think I could find anything very part time to do but I did and it lifted my spirit so much that I decided to find a full-time job doing what I was doing on the side. I did not think anyone would hire me because of my lack of current experience (I did this kind of work about 15 years before) but the joy I experienced when doing the side job created such intent for something like that that I saw a job I was interested in and thought I am just going to apply and see what happens. I got a call for an interview a few days later. I was excited and thought this will be good practice for when I find something that fits better (I did not expect them to offer me a job and even if they did the amount they were advertising was less than I make in my current full-time position). I was not willing to sacrifice money, I did believe I could find something where I made more. My side job paid better per hour than my full-time job but it was only about 5-6 hours per week. The interview was very simple, I was able to answer the questions easily. Since it was so easy I did not expect a job offer. However, the following week I got a call and the supervisor was offering a wage that was way more than I had ever received in my life. When she told me, I was quiet and I told her I would have to think it over and give her a call in a day or two. The next time I talked with her I verified the wage as I was in disbelief, she affirmed that was the wage and I accepted the position.

As soon as I felt that joy in that side job, it catapulted and attracted something I would have never expected. That joy created a new job for me, all I had to do was receive the messages, which were apply to this job, do the interview, accept the job. Then, I got unstuck. So when I say, “Pay attention to what belief strikes grievance in you.” I would like you to reflect on that and see what comes up. Then focus on what you could do that is small to make that change. If you don’t know ask the universe for help and see what happens:

Someone you are talking to may give you some advice that will resonate.

You may hear something on a podcast or radio and that triggers something in you.

You may read something or hear someone say something that may cause influence.

Just keep your senses open to receive what you are looking for. The world has endless possibilities for you. May you seek them out and make a better life for yourself.

Blissings to you,

Jessica