Forgiveness is the Funeral for the Past
This month has been somewhat surreal. I have known a few people who have passed on. It got me wondering if I am now entering the phase of my life where funerals become more common. I did not think I was there yet, being in my mid-forties, realizing that some of the people that passed were only a few years to a decade older than me and that my parents are at the age where they go to friend’s funerals often made me test that belief. I also lost a father this month which starts the realization that this time of my life is very real.
Funerals bring out the best and worst in us all. Some people can put their differences aside for the memory of the deceased, some can’t and become enraged and full of emotion while mourning the loss. There are a lot of emotional ups and downs. One thing we all can learn from funerals is that our time on this earth is limited. And since that is the case, it is important to learn forgiveness.
There is a quote, I believe it was from Mark Twain that says, “Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.” When I first heard that I did not really understand what it meant. I felt it was a beautiful phrase but beyond that the meaning was lost. Over a few years after hearing that phrase from a great teacher I used to follow, I realized that it was talking about unconditional love, love that is given without expecting anything in return. Love that no matter how rough you are with it, still remains.
Can a person really be that forgiving? Can a person still be happy forgiving? Yes, because forgiveness allows us to heal. If you have ever been in a situation that ends in forgiveness, typically both parties part with respect and love for one another. Sometimes it is tough being the one to initiate the forgiveness because it is tougher for most of us to be kind rather than right. We feel we lose our power by giving up our righteousness when really the opposite is true. I mean, when some reaches out to forgive a situation you were involved in do you look at them as weak? Or do you look at them with appreciation for settling things? If they were genuine in their reaching out to forgive the situation, then no one thinks about what were they up to. You just forgive in the moment.
Now in my life the hardest person to forgive in a situation was myself. It was much easier to forgive the other party or to rationalize that what they did stems from issues they had in their life. But me, no, I found it very hard to forgive myself for being in those situations. At one point I belittled myself internally and became very upset. It took much spiritual reading for me to let go and forgive my own struggles and hardships and to realize that they were a blessing for what they taught me.
Forgiveness has brought me to completely understand unconditional love. Being kind and loving is one of the most beautiful things a person can do for themselves. So I invite you today, if you are having a hard time letting go of a situation or person in the past that you felt did you wrong, please focus on what it taught you. Those lessons are the “fragrance” of what the situation has “shed” on your life. It’s possible you may not have been willing to learn the lesson any other way.
Sometimes our ego pushes us into things because we can’t understand the outcome until we experience it. Once experienced, we get our “aha” moment. Sometimes we have to experience the same thing in different situations until that moment comes along. Then when we discover it., we light up. It is a beautiful process and with it comes the work of forgiveness.
May you learn this on your way to your BLISS!
Jessica
