Changing My Belief to What Feels Right

I grew up heavily involved in Catholicism. I went to Catholic school and went to church every Sunday. My mother made me pray before bed and say the Rosary at times of fear. I remember feeling very confused. In fact, I was confused my whole childhood and part of my adulthood.

First off, when I was young, I didn’t understand how “God” would get angry as I did not believe God ever got angry. I didn’t understand why people used God as a way to guilt me into doing things I did not want to do. I did not understand how we were born in sin. Why would we be born in a negative situation right off the bat?? That’s not fair! I also did not understand why most people I knew were uptight and frustrated. But I figured they felt the way I did, that we should live in fear, guilt, shame, and sin because we were born into it and that was what was expected of us. I carried this belief through the first part of my life and was very disappointed in life. I never felt like I had any choices and I felt like I had to go with what everyone else was doing. So I graduated high school, went to college, got my degree, found a job in my career field and started living the life of trading my hours for dollars in hopes that I would save enough to retire…someday.

This belief has caused me to give up and put off a lot of dreams in my life. It has caused me to allow people into my life who did not have my best interest at hand and therefore, who taught me a lot of life lessons. I had to change my thoughts, my life, my beliefs. So I went on a personal journey and started reading books and building boundaries. Some of the people in my life left after I built boundaries and some stayed with a better relationship built between us. While working on that I also changed my belief that you only live once. I was taught as a child that you are born, you live a life in which you try to be a good person, then you die. That’s it. That’s all.

I just didn’t believe that was how it goes. Why do some people have an easy life knowing what they want to do at childhood while others of us struggle through childhood and life? Why do some people have so many life tragedies while others don’t? It didn’t seem fair. When I started studying reincarnation, it made sense to me. Perhaps we come to Earth to learn lessons in life. Maybe we each have our own lessons to learn and that is why things happen. Perhaps if we learn the lessons we no longer have to deal with that issue and maybe we can come to the Earth again in another life and live a simpler life than the last. Wouldn’t that be nice?

So I adopted that belief because it made sense to me. It helped me comprehend life’s struggles. While doing that it also made me more compassionate towards others and less judgmental. When I believed we had only one life, I questioned and judged every thing. AND I felt guilty when bad things were happening to other people and not me. I did not understand why certain people have to suffer and I wasn’t. When I got something new or enjoyed my favorite food, I started thinking I did not deserve it because there are starving people in the world and those who have less than me. It’s not really fair for me to enjoy this, right?

Well, this is where I had to change the, “poor me, pity you” mentality. I had to quit thinking I don’t deserve things or feel guilty for enjoying nice things because that is not what God/Spirit had in mind for me (for us). No we are beautiful beings brought here to learn lessons yes, but also to help others learn what we’ve learned. We are here to share our talents, our own lessons, and live in our BLISS. Yes, God/Spirit wants to give us nice things to enjoy, and as a reflection of that giving nature we too will feel the need to give and share with others. And the beautiful thing is I have known this for years, I just didn’t FEEL it was right. I just did not feel worthy.

And I almost settled in these feelings until I saw enough successful people doing what I want to do in life. Being who they have FELT THEY WERE BORN TO BE! This inspired me and I started changing. I started doing the journal entries, meditating, listening to high vibe and positive influencers. I kept reading inspirational books.

And time went by and these all helped but I still stood still on taking action. It’s like watching all the kids jump off the diving board. You get excited and climb up the ladder but when you get to the edge of the board and look down, you freeze! You watch other kids jump off on the boards in other areas of the pool. They squeal with delight after they land. They look like they are having fun but there I stand stoic. I know if I jump it will all be alright, I won’t die but….what if I get hurt or embarrass myself? Then I will never want to do it again.

At that time I hear a voice inside my head say, “But if you never try you will never know.” And then I hear, “If you don’t take action, you will never change and you will just be here in the same place for the next 5 years.” So here I am with my first blog post, jumping off the diving board and into the waters of my first website/business.

Believing in the phrase that says, You are here to share with the world what you know and if you don’t then that could be perceived as selfish. We all have a voice. We all have a reason to be here. We all need love and we all need to learn to be love.

Thank you for reading my first post. I pray that this inspires you, leads you to love yourself, and welcomes you to change your thoughts and change your life. You are not too old and you are not too young to take advantage of this and change your future for you and your soul.

Blissings to you,

Jessica